d r e a m -


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hi :)

 it's been a while.

3 years, i guess? 

leaving this side of mine, pouring all my thoughts into words. 

how fast time flies, i don't even think i've grown up a lot.

i'm still me.

the pathetic one, the crybaby one, the loser one, and the weak one.

i'm so hopeless, year by year. 

nothing much to say but i do feel like typing out. 

hey world, what's going on? what are all these disasters about?

scrolling timeline, look how fcked up the world is. 

but hey, so do me. 

the reason i'm still going through, 

are all because of people around me.

but how funny it is?

that they are also the reason i'm not feeling myself lately?

you know what? the feeling that you wanted to be precious to people, 

but all you ever did was burdening them. 

let's talk about my family then. 

you know? i've been so happy, to be born in this family. 

to be loved by a father, a mother and two brothers.

and that made me feel like.... i should not be born.

i love them so much, but i don't think i'm good at expressing how i feel. 

i love them so much, but i ended up keep hurting them.

i love them so much, but i keep wondering what would they feel about me?

if i die, will they cry?

if i die, will they visit my grave later?

if i die, will they think about me?

i know, i know i shouldn't be thinking like this.

but told ya, i'm a hopeless girl, 

thinking about unnecessary things. 

but for sure, one thing that i wanted them to remember is,

no matter what happened, i still love them.

please whoever you are, tell them this.

i love them so much, with all my heart.